Saturday, July 19, 2008

What I've Learned About England By Mallory Mead

AMERICANS ARE FAT AND STUPID- however, when polled in a comedy act, 4 out of 4 people would rather be American than German. One person’s reasoning was because “bigger is better.”
LIABILITY WHAT-Can you imagine if a city in the United States had a gap between the train and platform large enough to drop a small child down? Lawsuit city! In London it doesn’t seem to be a problem.
THERE IS NO WARM WATER-Most of faucets I have encountered in England have a hot faucet and a cold faucet. I’ve been turning on both and doing quick passes across to try and get the warm effect.
DON’T EXPECT SUBWAY DOORS TO OPEN WHEN THEY COME IN CONTACT WITH SOMETHING-For example, a person. I had to turn myself into the Incredible Hulk in order to free myself from the grasp of the train doors.
GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE IS AN AMERICAN INVENTION- It may or may not have something to do with the type of establishments we’ve been patronizing (London is EXPENSIVE!) and might have something to do with being a fat stupid American, but by and large have been somewhat ignored since we got here.
KLEENEX’S ARE NOT INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE HOTEL- or even hand soap, in the case of the youth hostel.
And lastly, to be fair, ENGLAND IS VERY BEAUTIFUL- even the train ride was picturesque. Lots of purple flowers, rolling countryside, country cottages, and horses.

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